Challenging Limiting Beliefs About Ageing

Ageing is a natural process that we all go through, yet it often comes with a set of limiting beliefs that can hinder our ability to get the best out of our later years. Representations of older people in the media condition us to expect that we will do less and be less as we age. As a result, we resign ourselves to sitting back and being mere supporting players in the game of life. Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? So, let’s take a look at how these limiting beliefs about ageing are formed and how we can change them.

What are limiting beliefs and where do they come from?

Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts or assumptions that we hold about ourselves or the world around us. 

Limiting beliefs about ourselves

Some beliefs we hold about ourselves, are specifically related to age. For instance, we might believe that we are too old to start a business, to get a job, to study for a qualification. Or maybe that It’s too late to try sky diving, belly dancing or whatever else we wished we had done when we were younger. 

They can also be linked to beliefs that we hold about our personal characteristics. We’re too unattractive for example, or too fat or stupid. 

Limiting beliefs about the world we live in

This relates to what we think other people will allow us to do. In other words, we’re always subconsciously asking ourselves “What would other people think if I did X.” We all have an idea of how a person of our age should act, how they should look and what it’s OK for them to do. This is built up overtime through media representations of people our age and the accompanying social commentary. It can also be insidiously imposed on us (usually well-meaningly), by our closest family members. As a consequence, we subconsciously avoid behaving in a way that could disrupt societies established norms. We don’t want to rock the boat.

The combination of these beliefs about ourselves and the world we live in, can be a major disincentive to shift out of our comfort zone and risk a new venture.

Debunking the big one: That our brain becomes less adaptable with age.

One of the biggest limiting beliefs about ageing in general circulation is that our brains become less plastic and adaptable with age. However, recent studies have disproved this myth and have instead demonstrated the brain’s remarkable ability to learn and adapt throughout our entire lives. This BBC article The Amazing Fertility of the Older Mind explains the science behind the research. 

The article also cites the amazing example of Priscilla Sitienel, a midwife and great-great-grandmother from Ndalat in rural Kenya. She grew up without any formal education but when, at the age of 90, she wanted to be able to pass on her knowledge and experience to the next generation, she went to primary school and learnt to read and write. 

Like Priscilla, if we challenge the limiting belief that learning becomes more difficult with age, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We become advocates of lifelong learning and commit to a growth mindset.

Identifying your limiting beliefs about ageing

Here are my suggestions on how you might identify your own limiting beliefs:

1. Think about the things that you would like to do but believe that you are too old for. Why do you think that? Is it really true? Are you being held back by concern for what others may think? Is that justified?
2. Think about the things that depress and frustrate you. Why do you believe you can’t change them? Again, is that true? Is it really outside of your sphere of control? Can you reframe it and see the situation from a different perspective?

Look for the justification you use for not taking action and try to unpick it. Is it real or is it based on a limiting subconscious belief? It’s not always easy to untangle genuine truths from negative assumptions that have crept up on us insidiously over a long period of time. Take your time and think it through.

My limiting beliefs

When I started to work on getting my life back on track after my husband died, I had the following limiting beliefs:

• I’m too old to get a job – no one will hire me.
• I’d like to start a blog, but I wouldn’t be able to do it – I would never manage the technical side.
• I’m old and unattractive.
• I’m going to have an impoverished old age.
• I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.
• Life is going to be a matter of decay and endurance until the end.

All of the above are deeply depressing but an accurate description of where I was back then. They could have ended up as self -fulfilling prophesies, but luckily I got my act together and started asking – What if I can change this?

Creating alternative beliefs

One fundamental thing that I have learnt from almost every self-help and philosophy book that I’ve read is that I get to control the narrative of my own life. I’m responsible for the things I say, the actions I take and the way I think and react to things that happen to, or around me. I cannot control the words or action of others,but I do get to choose what they mean to me. So, knowing this, I was able to look at my list of limiting beliefs and create a new story to tell myself. It took time, but here is my re-write of those earlier beliefs:

• I can look for jobs that are of interest to me and apply for them, putting forward the most positive version of my skills and experience. If I don’t get a reply or fail an interview, then the job and the people hiring weren’t the right fit for me. I can control the process but not the outcome.
• I can start a blog and learn new skills, step by step, one at a time. Look at this as an adventure, a learning experience and not a win/lose scenario. I either succeed or I learn a lesson. I can’t fail.
• My face and body are the result of the life I have lived and the experiences I have had. They are part of who I am and I’m not ashamed of that. 
• It’s up to me to control my expenses and to look for ways of increasing my income. I’ve downsized my house to reduce my bills, now I need to generate some income.
• I need to look for opportunities to connect with people who can become friends and colleagues. This is a hard one for me because I’m a massive introvert, but I’m working on it.
• I’m responsible for how my life goes from here. I have an opportunity to try new things and to keep thinking, exploring, and growing. The only limits are those I put on myself.

It’s been a struggle to get to where I am now, and I have to admit that there are still moments when I slip back to the old negative ways of thinking. Those are fewer and farther between now. As I’ve seen positive progress through the mental and practical changes I’ve made, I become more and more optimistic about the possibilities ahead. 

Final thoughts

The limiting beliefs that you have today are changeable. Identifying your own limiting beliefs about ageing is not an easy process, but if you keep on questioning why something is not possible and where that belief comes from, you are well on your way to reframing your expectations of later life. It’s certainly been worthwhile for me and I hope it will be for you too.

Another great resource that might help you to question some of those limiting beliefs is The Guardian’s A New Start at 60. It’s a weekly lifestyle piece that showcases someone over 60 who has done something completely unexpected. The stories are very varied but always inspirational.

As always, thanks for sticking with me to the end.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

Sian. X

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